The job of children: Why children need free, unsupervised play

We want our children to be happy and succeed in life. And we are willing to invest a lot of time, effort, and money into helping with that goal.

We enroll them in early development programs.

We buy special toys that are advertised as fostering their cognitive development.

We send them to daycares, preschools, and kindergarten with curricula designed specifically to help children learn skills from a young age.

And try to give them a head start in reading and math competency.

We enroll them in extracurricular activities.

We (as society) give them ever more homework.

We talk to them a lot when they are little and explain to them how the world around them works.

We find a learning opportunity in most everything.

And we often bribe, pressure or force children into these learning activities as they lack the motivation or interest to engage in them on their own.  

To make room for all these efforts in helping with the cognitive development of our children, we give children less and less time to play freely, amongst themselves, with no specific purpose other than the fun of it.

For example, many children in industrialized countries spend less than an hour a day outside – less than what is granted to prisoners in maximum security prisons in the US, and much less time than past generations of children spent outside.

Even though this focus on teaching children the knowledge and skills (society believes) they need is done with the best of intentions, we forget one thing: This is not how children learn.

Children learn through play.

Through free, unstructured, unsupervised play in groups of mixed-aged children.

When children can play freely in this way, they learn the social skills they need to get along with others, negotiate their own needs and wants, cooperate and compromise, solve conflicts, follow rules and learn to flexibly take the role of leader and follower.

When children can play freely in this way, they learn to be in their bodies, to try out new things that foster their physical prowess, to know when something they want to do is above their skill level, and to take the right level of risk to not get seriously injured.

When children can play freely in this way, even their cognitive skills (which we seem to be most concerned about) develop much faster. For example, research shows that when schools add recess time, children’s academic skills (among many other positive benefits) improved. And research also shows that any cognitive advantage gained through early learning programs, such as Head Start in the US, is no longer existent (and may even reverse!) after just a few years of school. In addition, these early learning programs have other harmful effects on children’s physical & social skills, and well-being.

Play is nature’s way to ensure that children learn all the skills they need to be successful adults in the culture they are born into. It is what childhood is all about!

 It is what all mammals do. They play at the things they need to learn to navigate life as an adult of their species. Young mammals love to play at being chased (to practice surviving an attack from a predator), they love to play at fighting (to practice real fights they may have with other members of their species as an adult).

Baby animals (just like human children) love playing. It is difficult to stop them. Anyone who has ever had a puppy or kitten, knows this.

Play is pure fun. It is the best pastime for children. So much so that children will go to great lengths to play even under extremely adverse conditions. For example, children have been found to play even when they were in Nazi concentration camps, or had to work all day in mines, factories, or agricultural fields (and in these conditions their play centers around the things they need to survive their plight).

Children find play irresistible.

They are addicted to play.

The joy that play brings to children is nature’s way to ensure that they play as much as possible; that they are motivated to play, and, as a result, learn all the things they need to become a competent adult.

Just like the joy of having a nice meal and enjoying good tasting food is nature’s way to ensure that we eat.

The ultimate goal of play (why evolution has shaped children to enjoy playing) is to make sure they learn the necessary skills to become successful, competent adults.

And to make sure, children do, actually play, they have evolved to LOVE playing.

No coaxing, bribing, or outside pressure needed.

Studies show that animals who are prevented from playing when they are young, lack social and other skills as adults. For example, rhesus monkeys that were allowed to be with their mothers only but with no other young around they could play with, were abnormally aggressive and fearful as adults and lacked the skills to engage in normal social interactions. Similarly, young rats that were prevented from playing with their peers also showed extreme aggression and fear.

As Peter Gray put it in his wonderful book “Free to learn”: 

‘It may sound cruel to raise young monkeys, and even young rats, in conditions where they cannot play freely with peers, for the sake of science. But if that is cruel, then what can we say about our current “normal” practice of depriving human children of free play with other children for the sake of protecting and educating them?’

And research does support the concern that a lack of play has similarly harmful effects on children. As free play has decreased, anxiety, depression, a feeling of helplessness, and narcissism have increased in children and young adults.

We may think that replacing children’s free play with adult-led activities (often some kind of structured play) that have the purpose of teaching children the very skills (we believe) they need, fosters children’s independence and future success.

But an evolutionary perspective as well as more and more research testing this idea clearly show that this is wrong. It is similar to building a house: When we build a house, we need to build a solid foundation first. If we don’t make sure the foundation is solid, the house will collapse, no matter how sturdy the walls or the roof are. Children first need to feel at home in their body, and they need to learn to navigate social life – these are things they learn in play.

So how can we swim against the cultural current and provide more free, unsupervised play in mixed-age groups for children? Here are some ideas, but there are many more possibilities:

Find daycares, kindergartens, and schools that explicitly endorse and offer free (outdoor) play.

Find other parents with children and organize playdates (where children are allowed to play uninterrupted and unsupervised).

Drop some extracurricular activities.

Make lots of space in the day that can be filled with free play.

Have toys that invite free, imaginative play (such as cardboards, puppets, crayons, dress-up clothes, blankets and pillows).

Avoid trying to lead children’s play as an adult.